I took full advantage of your own heartbreak today
I listened to the radio in your kitchen on my own
Bristling was the static of your old soul on the counter
Brings the memory of such a lovely lad in muted tones
and nervous tics; I wondered if I could collect you
Because I was young and arrogant. There you were in
Winter, so quiet and quite shining, so at ease with your submission
That your lightness stirred the vengeance out of me.
Your tenderness felt weak and your adoring made me
Mock your heart for loving mine, for me, the martyred one
The tarred and feathered one – I wanted to lead you and be
Led by you to very dark rooms. We set about a list of rules:
I could do most anything I pleased, and you would be a feast
To every emptiness I felt, and be rewarded with my
Fake indifference – did you know I once adored you?
For a short but real and sincere while. But then it went away
And so did I. For a year. But now I’m back, and in the hissing of
This kitchen, I have since grown a heart and had it handed back
To me. So, proving white dough whilst you’re at work to say thanks
For taking care of me, even though you didn’t have to, even
Though you still might love me, is the best
Thing I can offer you right now. I know –
It’s really not okay.