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Monthly Archives: February 2013

 

I can’t remember why you were there, nobody explained how this was possible so I didn’t care to question it. You were dressed in the way that you always did and you looked young, about the same age as me which didn’t make sense. We found ourselves wandering around a shopping centre and I didn’t even ask you where you’d been or what happened, we just seem to fit right back into a groove of our friendship again. It was actually better, even better than before. The only thing that had changed between us is that we were even more fun. We ended up in a terraced house in East Lancashire which probably represents my old house you sometimes visited me at. We went inside and I kept asking you if you remember some things that happened 5 years ago and you said “why do you keep asking me if I remember what happened 5 years ago? I can only remember the last two with you”. There were lego blocks and toys in the house and we for some reason decided to arrange them by colour, and doing this menial task seemed to put us on autopilot as we reminisced and laughed a lot about some things. Someone called us on the phone and said she had placed an order for some make up and we realised we’d stumbled into someone else’s house and they were running a make up to-order service. We laughed down the phone to the woman about the fact she was called Theresa. My mum showed up and said that it was her business and that it was great to see you and me together laughing. I know at some point we both smiled at the same time but throughout we weren’t really smiling, more just being nonchalant and cool with eachother. You made it clear you weren’t going anywhere when I asked what time you were living because you said you wouldn’t be leaving. At some point we made contact, I think you hugged me. It was like nothing had ever changed. Maybe I’ve been thinking about you so much recently that you’ve come into my dreams to make me feel much better. Maybe you just showed up to comfort me about all the unresolved things I can’t think about because there is no way to tie the thoughts up again, they’re just left sprawling and won’t collect themselves. Maybe it’s because at a time like this I would need you more than ever, you could tell me how to improve myself before I implode in on myself, and maybe if I was left as lonely as I was recently, however briefly, you’d have been there to catch the tears and take my mind off the fact that I’m not living inside of a monster, but a monster is living inside of me.